“My head is fine. My body isn’t.”
These words were the mantra of a confused thirteen year old girl who faked at being fine most of the time, but occasionally let slip that something was very wrong; something she couldn’t and didn’t dare name. So, she spoke in code, lived in disguise, and managed to mask a broken body with a show of strength and will.
That girl was me. She is the reason I am a therapist. She was smarter than she knew, braver than she realized, and foolish enough to think she could heal without a single person knowing she was wounded. It sometimes feels as if she sits with me and my clients, guiding us toward understanding and compassion. Girls, boys, kids of all genders are wiser than we give them credit for. They and their ever-flexible nervous systems are observing and absorbing the world. They have much to teach us. Our task is first to listen, then to learn, and then to act. It took me longer than I wish to admit to listen, learn, and act on behalf of my younger self. I know now that it is never too late to change.
I am a little older than thirteen now (fifty-one in fact). I live with my husband near Portland, Maine, where we have been since 1993. We raised two kids who are now off on their own. We now raise Newfoundland dogs. When you can’t have muddy messy kids why not have muddy messy dogs?
I moved to Maine in 1989 after growing up in Baltimore, Maryland. I attended Friends School in Baltimore, a Quaker school where I learned the art of self-compassion, the practice of consensus-building, and the skill of defense on the lacrosse field. As a teenager I was also a practicing artist. I studied drawing and painting at Friends and at Maryland Institute of Art. I came to Maine to go to Colby College where I hoped to study art, play lacrosse, and be in the woods. Once at Colby I was introduced to the field of Art Therapy which set me on the path to graduate school for social work. My hope was to bring art-making into the therapy room to share what I knew about the power of art to heal.
After graduating from Colby I attended Boston College in pursuit of my Masters of Social Work. I quickly became immersed in the study of child development, abuse, and attachment disorders. After finishing graduate school I worked with young families in Lewiston, Maine. I offered in-home crisis support as well as parent education to facility healthy parent-child bonding.
For much of my career I worked in community mental health settings; first at Tri-County Mental Health in Lewiston, then Shoreline Mental Health in Brunswick, and then Sweetser in Portland. I worked mostly with young kids and their parents in the first half of my career. I specialized in play and art therapy and Jungian Sand Play therapy. I helped parents listen and learn the language of children. Over time I began to see fewer younger kids and more adolescents and adults. I left community mental health in 2005 to open a private practice which gave me the freedom to create a space and build a business where I can direct the orientation and priorities of my practice and my life (and my dogs).
In the 1990’s I also coached girls high school lacrosse and field hockey teams at Catherine McAuley and Deering High Schools in Portland. I learned as much from my players as they learned from me. One of my best memories was bringing my first child to practices with me and watching the girls protect him from flying lacrosse and hockey balls.
Over the course of my career I have spent countless hours consulting with lawyers, writing letters on behalf of abused and neglected children, and testifying in family court advocating for the needs of kids who have precious few rights in the eyes of the law. I don’t do as much of this public-facing work these days. Most of my time now is spent sitting with adolescents and adults in my beautifully warm office in Portland and my remote office in Western Maine. I offer body-based talk therapy, and sometimes art therapy to help the people I meet befriend their bodies and their minds. My work is informed by the children who taught me how to be real, including my own children, and my courageous, patient younger self. Thank you all. I vow to keep listening.
Below is a poem I wrote which conveys what therapy and the therapeutic relationship means to me.
